your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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