so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize