My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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