well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
