gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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