Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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