Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize