If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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