But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
