As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
