Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
