pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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