just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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