I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
