I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
