Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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