i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
