Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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