is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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