i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
