I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
