i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
