I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
