I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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