He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
