Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
