Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
