Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
