yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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