Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
