Where is the hickey?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
