Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
