Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
