I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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