I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
