it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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