watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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