I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize