In America we eat man semen.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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