White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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