i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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