There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize