Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
