oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
