Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
