I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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