barbara walters just said penis...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
