I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
