some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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