We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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