omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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