I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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