my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
