Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
