wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
