Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
