Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
