i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
