oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
