my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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