Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
im on a boat
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