I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
