Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
