Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
