i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
