She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
