Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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