my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
