i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
