Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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