Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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