Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just want nice things and good sex
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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