why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
