I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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