lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
