You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
