Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
