party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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