She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
