last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
