You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
