so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
