She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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