Are we in a gay sports bar?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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