He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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