"it" just moved
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
