in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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