i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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