Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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