Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
COCAINE IS GR8
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
