I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
